Happy Birthday, Kakashi
by HanareHatake
Summary: Kakashi gets a surprise call from Naruto and Sakura late in the evening, for help with… forbidden scrolls? He hurries sleepily toward the Academy building, wanting only to go back to reading Icha Icha. He was in the middle of a great, really, um… spicy night scene! Little does the Copy Ninja know just how spicy his own night is about to get… / KakaHana / WAFF


**Happy Birthday, Kakashi!**

Kakashi gets a surprise call from Naruto and Sakura late in the evening, for help with… forbidden scrolls? He hurries sleepily toward the Academy building, wanting only to go back to reading _Icha Icha._ He was in the middle of a great, really, um… _spicy_ night scene! Little does the Copy Ninja know just how spicy his own night is about to get…

Kakashi lay awake in bed, trying to read.

 _Kaori blushed furiously, the lovely pink color spreading down her smooth cheeks, to her delicate neck, and heading toward the uncharted territory of her creamy, rounded br…_

 _*_ RING*

"Huh?" Kakashi blinked, hand stuck in his pants. He glared, ignoring the phone. His eyes flicked to the next line…

 _Tadashi slowly pulled down the white skirt. Kaori gasped._

*RING*

"Not now!" Kakashi muttered into the dark.

 _Tadashi smiled to himself as the graceful lines of her pelvis and curves of her hips were revealed._

*RING*

Kakashi gritted his teeth and ignored it.

 _And there, in the center, looking tight and eager for his tongue, her sl…_

*RING*

"Damn it!" Kakashi swore. Snapping the book closed, he tossed it aside and extricated his hand from under the waistband of his jinbei pants. He reached for the phone.

*RIN - *

"Kakashi here," he said tiredly into the receiver.

"FINALLY, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto's voice blared over the connection. Kakashi sighed inaudibly and held the receiver a little further from his ear.

Naruto kept babbling. "What took so long, sensei? Were you stuck on the pot? Sometimes that happens if I eat spicy ramen three days straight. Were you doing something important? Did you get a sudden, mysterious S-Rank briefing?! If you did, I want to go! Oh wait, I know, you were probably reading! Kakashi-sensei, did you leave me hanging cause you were lying there mastur…"

"Naruto!" Kakashi said, cutting the young ninja off. " _Why_ are you calling me at this hour?"

"Oh! Um, well, that's because…"

Kakashi heard snickering.

"It's _because…_ " Naruto continued, with more chuckles. Suddenly Kakashi heard a sharp whisper and sounds of a minor scuffle. There was a distinct "ow!" and then out of nowhere Sakura was on the line.

"Hi, sensei!" she sang sweetly. Kakashi ran a hand through his hair.

"Sakura… it's after nine. And I'm not really your sensei anymore. What is it?" The pink-haired kunoichi certainly was getting precocious these days. Kakashi slouched in bed, waiting tiredly for an answer.

"Well, sensei…" Sakura sounded anxious. "Naruto and I were doing some research for Lady Tsunade, you see, and, and…" her voice had turned plaintive.

Kakashi's brow furrowed in concern. "What is it? Tell me, Sakura."

"We found these scrolls - it looks like information about forbidden jutsu the Akatsuki might be using to… to do something! I can't understand all of it - it's over our level. We thought to call you, and… well, can you help?"

"Help us, sensei!" Kakashi heard Naruto cry in the background. _How odd_ , Kakashi thought. Sakura and Naruto didn't seem like the duo Tsunade would put on a research assignment… but the Leaf was short-staffed at the moment.

"Please, sensei?" Sakura's voice chirped over the line.

Kakashi sighed. "I'll be right there," he said.

…

Konoha - what was left of the actual town - was pretty quiet. Major official buildings were the first to get the attention of the builders but progress was slow. Kakashi felt lucky to have Tenzo as a friend. The silver-haired jonin's studio had been replaced in a matter of hours after Pain's attack. After, Tenzo had been kept extremely busy using his Wood Style to help the citizenry basically every moment he wasn't on a mission.

Kakashi stepped over a cigarette butt in the street. He took a moment of deeper silence, for Asuma. Off in the distance Kakashi saw a plume of smoke curl up from a cookfire. The hazy widps rose into the sky, dancing on the wind until they disappeared into the stars. It was like a salute from Asuma. No one was watching, so Kakashi waved in return.

People who lived outside the village proper, like Tsubaki, had definitely fared better this time around. Kakashi had heard Mizuki's ex had taken in many refugees and even allowed more to camp around her home. Families with large holdings outside the walls had also donated space and resources to the displaced. Kakashi felt a proud warmth in his chest as he thought of how the people of the Leaf had worked together through adversity.

 _I owe Tenzo a lot of noodle bowls_ … Kakashi thought as he crossed the plaza to the temporary, somewhat refurbished Academy structure. The night air felt good. The sky was a placid dark blue. The upside to having most of the streetlights down and a lot of power still out was that you could see more stars over the village.

If Sakura and Naruto were digging for those types of scrolls, they'd be in the catacombs under the lower-level classrooms. Kakashi was headed toward the secret entrance behind the snowbell tree next to the compost bins… when he noticed a dim light on in one of the Academy meeting halls. _Tsunade working late?_ Kakashi wondered. The Hokage liked to use the office or the bar for meetings. _Iruka working late?_ That was a more interesting thought but also unlikely, since the schoolteacher wasn't the type to burn the midnight oil.

Kakashi figured he might as well check it out as he passed by.

Veering slightly left, his silent steps approached the rear entrance to the Academy hall.

Suddenly, the lights went out! The room he was headed toward was now dark. _Definitely suspicious timing…_ Kakashi paused. Then he made a quick hand sign…

...and _POOFED_ onto the Academy hall's domed roof. He crouched near the skylight. Placing a palm flat on the tile, he listened. No sounds, but… it _felt_ like a large amount of chakra, and body heat in the room beneath him. Kakashi furrowed his brow. Sakura and Naruto would have to wait.

 _Sssss_. In one fluid motion Kakashi slid the skylight open just enough to fit him and dove gracefully down into the dark room - a kunai concealed in each hand - ready for anything…

Kakashi somersaulted, felt himself nearing the ground, then alighted on the floor without incident. But there was definitely someone there - he could hear them trying to conceal their breathing.

The Copy Ninja raised his kunai. "Who's in here? Come ou…"

"SURPRISE!"

The lights flashed on. Kakashi swiftly adjusted his stance and...

...nearly stabbed a grinning, giggling Naruto who rushed in for a hug.

"Na - Naruto?!" Kakashi stammered, unsure if he felt like hugging the teenage boy back - or slapping him for nearly getting himself cut. And what was on Naruto's head…? Fox ears?!

"Surprise, sensei! HAPPY BIRTHDAY," Naruto clapped Kakashi on the back. Kakashi looked up, suddenly realizing they weren't alone. There were _a lot_ of people in the room…!

"Happy birthday, Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura was on his other side, also hugging him. Then she stepped back and laughed. "You had no idea, did you, sensei? We totally got you!" The pink-haired young woman punched him in the shoulder.

"No… idea…" Kakashi confirmed, relaxing his stance into his usual bored slouch. He looked up. The ceiling was decorated with bunches of balloons. Mirror balls hung off the classroom track lights. Kakashi looked back at Sakura… she wasn't in her usual outfit - instead she was wearing something like a… romper? It was like a nurse uniform but _very_ short. The plunging neckline showed off how much she'd developed in the last year. Kakashi frowned.

"Sakura, do you think it's really appropriate to wear something like…"

"Oh, sensei! It's the latest style! And besides, it's an _Adult-Themed Party_! I can't show up looking like a kid."

Kakashi felt his stomach flutter. "A… an… adult... theme…?" Naruto slapped his back again and chuckled lecherously, sounding an awful lot like Jiraiya.

"Yeah, isn't it the best, sensei! You didn't even say anything about _my_ outfit - check it out! I'm the Sexy Demon Fox of Konoha!"

Despite his inner voice screaming at him not to, Kakashi looked. And quickly looked away. Naruto was bare-chested and not only had furry ears, but nine furry tails and tight metallic orange pants decorated with gold spikes. To his horror Kakashi saw that nearly _all_ his friends and acquaintances, plus the kids' - were present. And they were all in costume…

"KAKASHI!" Kakashi felt himself lifted off the floor as Guy crashed in to greet him. "My Eternal Rival, you look not a day less youthful than you did at this time last year!"

"Ow. Guy. You can put me down, now," Kakashi grunted from within the Green Beast's embrace. Guy did, and only then did Kakashi notice his best friend's "costume"...

"Guy! What on earth is that," Kakashi fumed, finding he was running out of safe places to look.

"Oh this hot little number? They call that a _tanga_ ," Guy said proudly, bending over a little and flexing. Green lace surrounded his firm buttocks. A tiny pair of black feathery wings adorned his shoulders. And he had a halo over his bowl cut. "You've never seen anything like these sweet cheeks, eh, Kakashi? Beat that, my rival - I'm the manliest of the manly Lingerie Angels!"

Kakashi pulled at the collar of his turtleneck. He felt too warm. A little machine was throwing multicolored light patterns all over the walls. Someone had turned on loud dance music.

"Who's idea was this?!" Kakashi said over the blare.

"Ours!" Naruto and Sakura said at once. They looked at Kakashi's stricken face and dissolved into giggles.

"We knew you'd love it, sensei!" Sakura said, mistaking his despair for anticipation.

"These are some bright kids, Kakashi," Guy put an arm around them. "When they told me about the surprise party, all I could say was _brilliant_ \- why didn't I think of that?"

They all laughed. Kakashi felt sweat under his headband. He thought he saw Genma over by the punch bowl, wearing _chaps_. And was that Kurenai? He thought she looked demure, in a long black maternity dress… until she turned around and smiled and waved. The dress was backless and she had _fangs_. Kakashi adjusted his forehead protector. He put his hands in his pockets. The kids were grinning at him…

"...Thanks," he said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. Naruto whooped. Sakura grabbed his arm. Guy gave a huge thumbs-up.

"I'll go get us some punch!" the Green Beast said and marched off.

"We figured since you're always reading those pervy books you'd love something like this!" Naruto babbled as Sakura dragged Kakashi toward a fancy red leather chair set up near the middle of one wall. Over it hung a banner that read _Kakashi Tanjoubi_ _Omedetou_ in gold letters. Candles were lit on little tables next to the chair and piles of gifts surrounded it.

"You know," Naruto continued, elbowing Kakashi in the ribs, "Bring some of those fantasies to life!" The teenager snickered. _No_ , was all Kakashi wanted to say… but he couldn't disappoint his students.

Sakura gave him a playful shove and he sat down in the leather chair, careful to keep his eyes averted from her… _assets_. "Ok, sensei, take off your shirt," she said. Naruto cackled.

Kakashi's eyes widened. "Wha - what?!" he sputtered. Sakura giggled. She waggled a finger at him.

"Now, now, Kakashi-sensei! Don't play coy with Nurse Sakura. Your innocent act doesn't fool me! A ninja must _see through deception_ , remember?" She reached out and grabbed hold of his vest.

"Take it off," she ordered.

"No," Kakashi said.

"Yeah, take it off!" Naruto grabbed a different part of his vest.

"No!" Kakashi squirmed.

" _Yes_ ," Sakura pulled.

"No."

"Do you want me to punish you, sensei? I have a lot of tools at my disposal…" Sakura winked. Naruto was rubbing his hands together deviously. Kakashi could not believe what he was hearing. He had to get out of here… he glanced around, simultaneously holding up his palms to ward off the pink-haired "nurse" and her demon boy-band fox apprentice.

"Sakura, I appreciate how much thought you put into this, but I…"

"ARRIVING." A familiar scratchy voice cut through the music and Kakashi cringed inwardly as Anko Mitarashi rappelled down from the same skylight entrance he'd used. She landed like a voluptuous cat, thrust out a hip and rested her fist on it as she swaggered over to Kakashi.

"Stand aside, Sakura. I'll do it. He's being uncooperative, isn't he, as usual." Sakura deferred to the Special Jonin as Anko stepped forward. Kakashi leaned as far back into the chair as he could, catching a glance of Naruto's face as he did.

The teen's eyes were bulging… and rightly so. Anko had on a dominatrix costume that left very little to the imagination. Shiny leather was laced up across her torso, squishing certain things together… yet barely covering anything. Her thigh-high boots and leather gloves gleamed in the disco light. To his alarm, Kakashi noticed that his longtime friend held a _whip_ in her right hand with practiced ease.

"You're not in costume, Hatake," Anko growled matter-of-factly. Kakashi felt a drop of sweat fall into his turtleneck.

"I've got it right here, Anko-sensei," Sakura said helpfully, holding up a bundle. "He just won't put it on!"

"We told him to take off his clothes," Naruto said sullenly. "It's like he doesn't trust us or something."

Anko cocked her head at Kakashi. "Take it off."

Kakashi hesitated.

"TAKE IT OFF!" Anko roared, cracking the whip against the wall just behind Kakashi's head. It whizzed an inch away from his left ear…

…

Kakashi sat sulking with a glass of punch in his hand. He reached under the ridiculous paisley and velvet smoking jacket and scratched his chest through his ninja mesh. At least Mistress Anko had allowed him to keep that on. The rest of the costume wasn't so bad. The pants were loose and comfortable; the slippers were soft. Not having the forehead protector on was kind of nice and refreshing.

"So they got you dressed." It was Tenzo, casually sidling up to the leather chair. Kakashi blushed a little under his mask, nodded, and looked Tenzo up and down. The Wood Style user had chosen a relatively conservative outfit, though the pants were really tight.

"Are you… an elf?" Kakashi asked stoically.

Tenzo shrugged. "They live in the woods. Made sense." Kakashi couldn't argue with the logic. It was interesting to see Tenzo without his face guard. The pointy ears and long, silky brown wig framed his black eyes in kind of a cute way.

Guy splashed over with punch refills. "Who's ready for a drinking contest?! Kakashi, I challenge you to…"

"No, Guy-sensei! None of that nonsense. Not yet. Sakura says it's time for other games first, and she doesn't want you all passed out before all the activities are complete!" Tenten assumed a stance between the three men, physically barring Guy from distributing the punch.

Kakashi covered his face with one hand. PSY was cranking out of the stereo. Tenten was dressed as a popular superhero, with a miniskirt that barely covered her butt. The red and blue spandex outfit was far too thin and too tight for someone of her build…

"Kakashi-sensei, we're ready for you!" sang Ino, sandals slapping the floor as she ran over, _bouncing_ in an Arabian Nights getup. Her manicured nails dug into Kakashi's forearm as she extricated him from the red leather chair. Kakashi looked to Tenzo for help. Tenzo just grinned. Ino leaned over to whisper in Kakashi's ear, the pale blue fabric of her veil tickling his face.

"The first game is _really dirty_!" she giggled. Kakashi hoped Guy would bring him more punch - fast. Ino dragged the silver-haired jonin forward mercilessly, toward the middle of the room where everyone was gathered up in a loose circle.

"Alright, I need five shinobi and six kunoichi!" Sakura said as she turned down the music slightly. "Volunteers?"

All the girls volunteered. None of the boys.

"Perfect!" Sakura chirped. "Choji, bring the chairs-and you can control the music too." Choji meandered over from the snack table with an armful of folding chairs.

"Put them in a circle. Good, now Ino, tie Kakashi-sensei to that one!"

"...Tie?!" Kakashi said. All the girls laughed and Kakashi got shoved onto a chair. He watched helplessly as Ino approached with a length of rope.

"Lame," Shikamaru muttered. Kakashi glanced over. The strategist had succeeded in turning his uniform into the laziest costume ever: he'd added an eyepatch, and tied up the shirt in front to expose part of his torso.

"Pirate?" Kakashi asked in a resigned voice. Shikamaru nodded.

"You got it," he said, also resigned. "Hey!" Ino pushed her teammate into a chair. "What are you doing, Ino?!" Shikamaru glared as Ino wound a rope around his arms, firmly attaching him to the chair back.

"Oh, you're playing, too, Shikamaru!" Ino blew him a kiss.

The Nara chunin hung his head. "What a drag."

To Kakashi's other side, Genma was glaring at him. "This is all your fault," the senbon-chewing jonin drawled. He too was tied to a chair but seemed pretty relaxed about it, legs sprawled and head tipped back. Genma was wearing cowboy chaps over boxers covered in hearts, a cowboy hat, a bandana around his neck, and a vest over his bare chest.

" _My_ fault?" Kakashi frowned.

"It's your birthday," Genma yawned. "This was _your_ students' idea."

"Sakura!" Naruto shouted. "Are _you_ playing? Hehehehe…" the jinchuriki's face looked full of foxy mischief. Kakashi checked a sigh. Maybe it _was_ his fault.

"If you're playing, tie me to a chair!" Naruto snickered.

"No, you dunce! I'm the referee." Sakura punched him in the head. "Why are you drooling like that, anyway?!"

Naruto rubbed his head. "I dunno, Sakura…" he mumbled happily, eyes glued to her cleavage exposed by the low-cut nurse outfit.

"Ugh," Sakura turned away and addressed everyone. "So we have five chairs, and six people who need to sit! When the music stops…"

"Musical chairs?" Kakashi muttered.

"Find a lap to sit on, or you're out, ladies!" Sakura announced. "Last one standing - I mean _sitting -_ gets this coupon for a free bowl of Diet Ramen at Ichiraku!"

"Oh no, it's going to be brutal…" Shikamaru sighed. He was right.

The first round Choji cut the music quickly and Kakashi cringed, bracing himself for the worst. His eyes were closed when he felt a weight plop onto his lap, followed by screaming and sounds of outrage.

Kakashi cracked one eye open to see who was sitting on him…

It was Hinata, blushing furiously. Her milky white eyes were downcast and she wrung her hands. "I'm so sorry, Kakashi-sensei," she said politely. She was dressed as a maid. The ruffly top could barely contain her bosom, and the short full skirt stopped high on her shapely thighs. "I know this is completely inappropriate behavior… but I really love that ramen…"

"Don't worry about it, Hinata," Kakashi said reassuringly.

Over on Shikamaru's lap, Tenten and Ino were fighting.

"I was here FIRST," Ino said as she shoved Tenten hard.

"You were not!" Tenten cried, keeping her butt glued to Shikamaru as she grabbed Ino's ponytail and tried to throw her off balance.

"Ow!" Ino shrieked.

"Tenten, stop this, it's embarrassing," Neji (who wasn't wearing a costume) said sternly.

"Get off me, you cows!" Shikamaru grimaced, his face red. Kakashi felt sorry for him. All that wriggling must be…

"Rock paper scissors tie-breaker!" Sakura shouted.

In the end Tenten was out. But then Ino was out the next round. Kakashi got sat on by Anko, then Shizune - who was dressed like Cleopatra. Ultimately, Hinata won. As she sat curled up on Kakashi's lap for the second time and Sakura grabbed her wrist and raised her hand in victory, Kakashi said a silent prayer of thanks that it was over. Sakura handed Hinata the coupon. Hinata immediately went over to stand by Naruto.

Kakashi overheard Hinata's words. "Naruto… since I won this coupon? I thought maybe we could go to Ichiraku and share…"

"Ugh, naw - it's _diet_ ramen, Hinata! Forget it," Naruto screwed up his face and walked over to the punch bowl. Hinata heaved a small sigh.

"Next game!" Sakura shouted.

Kakashi sighed, too. It was shaping up to be a long night.

…

The music seemed louder than ever, and Kakashi blinked, wondering if he was buzzed. He worried that the kids were going to get in trouble for drinking… but the punch seemed to be spiked only with saké. And since the entire debacle was after hours in the Academy and noisy as hell… Kakashi could only assume Tsunade had given them the go-ahead.

The games had just wrapped up. After musical chairs there was Spin the Bottle, which Sakura had devised to play in separate groups - by gender. So everyone (except Kakashi, Shikamaru, and Neji-who were stoic, irritated, and disgusted, respectively) had gotten a good laugh or giggle or blush out of kissing each other. The funniest and cutest had been Naruto and Shino. Shino, in his satyr getup, had said after kissing Naruto, " _Now_ you'll never forget me!" and everyone had cracked up.

Kakashi was determined to wipe the memory of kissing Guy from his mind. It was through the mask, and Guy was his best friend, but… _I will forget somehow_ , Kakashi vowed.

After Spin the Bottle had been Mirror, which was over surprisingly quickly. It had taken longer to make teams than actually play - with Tenzo and Guy arguing over who should be Kakashi's partner, and Kiba and Ino arguing over who would be Choji's.

Kiba, dressed up (unsurprisingly) as a werewolf, had been vehement. "The prize for this is a week at the hot springs, Ino! I need to win it for my sister - she never gets to do anything nice, my family's poor! And we all know Choji's the best partner for this kind of thing - he'll do anything!"

"I know!" Ino had retorted. "He's _my_ teammate, he should be _my_ partner! Besides, I really could use a spa vacation…"

Though Kiba had eventually won Choji as his partner, it didn't matter because team Anko-Kurenai won the Mirror match easily. Since the point was to come up with something (non-jutsu of course) other teams would be loathe to copy or _couldn't_ copy and therefore get knocked out of the game, the Special Jonin and the genjutsu master had come out swinging on their first turn.

"I didn't know that… was physically possible," said Shikamaru, eyes wide.

"I'll never look at Kurenai-sensei the same again," Kiba said with admiration.

"We're not doing that," Shizune said flatly to Genma.

"We're out!" Ino threw up her hands. Sakura nodded, slightly pale.

Rock Lee bravely adjusted his devil horns. "Guy sensei? Are we going to…"

Guy held up a hand. "No, Lee. There comes a time in every shinobi's life where he must gracefully admit total and utter defeat in the face of superior skill and tactics. This is that day…. What brutal strategy! What lethal finesse! What…"

"Sorry to ruin the game," Anko shrugged. She nodded at Kurenai. "We go _way_ back."

Kurenai smiled gently at the other guests. "And I'm _really_ pregnant. I give _zero fucks_ right now. You would have lost no matter what."

Kakashi and Tenzo looked at each other. This was the most vicious they'd ever seen Kurenai.

"A week at the spa!" Sakura declared, handing Kurenai the gift certificate. "You've both really earned it!" Everyone clapped tepidly, still in shock…

"Okay!" Sakura raised both hands. "Now that we've all worked up an appetite - cake time!"

"YES. _Finally_ ," Choji said.

"Naruto and Aoba-san, please take our guest of honor to his seat…" Sakura indicated Kakashi be relocated back to the red leather chair.

"Hey!" Kakashi protested as his former student and the sunglasses-wearing tokubetsu-jonin hefted him into the air.

"Not feelin' this, eh, Kakashi?" Aoba said as they carried him to the seat of honor.

"Get out of my head," Kakashi grumbled. Aoba chuckled as they dropped the Copy Ninja unceremoniously in the leather chair.

"Time for cake!" Naruto rubbed his hands together. Aoba straightened the jacket of his Bond costume and saluted Kakashi before he stalked off.

Kakashi sat back in the chair and struggled to keep his eyes open. What time was it…? The clock on the classroom wall appeared to be broken. Over on the refreshment table, the punchbowl was mostly empty. The little lights swirled on the walls. The clusters of candles were certainly a fire hazard… Kakashi smiled in gentle amusement as he noticed Neji dancing with Tenten. Kiba was trying to flirt with Hinata. Shizune and Kurenai were catching up… and there was Choji, wheeling a _gigantic_ cake in Kakashi's direction.

Gigantic was actually an understatement - it was a cake the size of a horse. Two-tiered and frosted in white with a pattern of chocolate shuriken, thirty-two pink oversized candles burned on top. _Thirty-two…_ Kakashi mused. _I'm being held hostage by my own ex-students for a sexy party, wearing a borrowed playboy costume…_ The entirety of the situation was simply too ridiculous. Kakashi pinched himself.

It hurt. He was awake.

The giant cake approached. _This is what my life has come to_ , Kakashi thought wistfully. _Surrounded by friends… the kids are having fun… well, at least that's something…_

Sakura and Naruto popped up from behind either side of the cake. Shino turned the music down. Just then, the hall doors opened.

It was Shikaku, Ibiki and Inoichi.

"Did we miss anything?" Shikaku asked in his raspy voice.

"Daaaad!" Ino wailed, "What are you doing here? And _what_ are you wearing?!"

Inoichi chuckled as they walked in. "I could ask you the same thing, young lady!" he took in Ino's crop top and harem pants. "Are you behaving yourself?"

"I love these kinds of parties," Ibiki said, looking around with a grin. Kakashi wondered how he would ever cleanse his mind of so many unwanted visuals. Ibiki was wearing just a speedo and boots - it reminded Kakashi vaguely of a video game but he couldn't recall which, exactly. Inoichi had some kind of templar or crusader thing on, while Shikaku, as lazy as his son, had donned a pirate hat and called it good.

"You're just in time for the big surprise!" Sakura said. "We were about to sing and cut the cake!"

"I love cake," Ibiki said.

…

 _Happy birthday to you_

 _Happy birthday to you_

 _Happy birthdayyyy_

 _Dear Kakashiiiiiiiiiiiiiìiiiiiiiiii…_

 _Happy birthday,_

 _Tooooo_

 _You!_

Everyone clapped and cheered.

"Blow out the candles, sensei!" Naruto and Sakura yelled, as one.

"And make a great wish, Kakashi!" Guy reminded, flashing a sparkling grin and huge thumbs-up.

 _A wish?_

Kakashi closed his eyes.

 _A wish…_

The Man Who Copied A Thousand Jutsus puffed out his cheeks, and…

"Water Style, Water Dragon Jutsu!" he cried, flashing hand signs as he opened his eyes.

With a liquid roar, a dragon flew out of the punch bowl and crashed down atop the cake, drenching the candles - and some of the guests.

"Gee thanks, Kashi," Anko muttered, shaking water off her whip.

"Show off," Genma drawled, tipping his head so water ran off the brim of his cowboy hat and splashed onto the floor.

The candles _sizzzzzed_ out…

And the cake burst open.

"SURPRISE!" all the kids yelled as confetti exploded and more balloons sailed up toward the ceiling. Kakashi squinted - it looked like someone was _in_ the cake. _What now_ … he thought.

A spotlight came on from above. The person in the cake rose up - it was a woman in a black corset and bunny costume, the kind popular on American magazines. A fluffy white tail, white collar and white ears…

With green hair…

Kakashi's eyes widened. The bunny raised a microphone. She was facing away from him…

"Happy birth-day, to _you_ …" she sang in a breathy voice. "Happy… birth-day, to youuuu!"

She turned slowly in his direction. Kakashi swallowed.

"Happ-y birth-day… Mister Ha-ta-ke…"

"Damn," Genma muttered from off to the left. Kakashi's fingers dug into the leather armrests of the chair. He leaned forward…

"Haaaappy _birthday… to…_ you _!"_

The bunny turned around and winked at Kakashi with a little wiggle of her tail.

"Hanare?!" Kakashi cried.

The bunny froze, her eyes widening in shock, then horror - as she took in her client.

Kakashi staggered to his feet. "What are you…"

The bunny screamed.

Flipping the microphone into a grip you'd use on a kunai, she brandished it at the silver-haired man in the smoking jacket. "Don't come any closer!" she shouted, backing against the edge of the bottom cake layer. "What is this?! Some kind of joke? Who here hired me? The gig said it was just the usual 'Playboy Bunny Birthday Package' for some geezer!"

"I… I'm only thirty-two!" Kakashi objected.

"I hired you!" Sakura said, stepping forward. "You're supposed to sing and _dance_ for him, not scream…" Sakura's angry voice faded as she got close enough to really look at the performer. "Wait… do I know you?!" the pink-haired kunoichi said. "Naruto - you looked at the catalog…"

"Yeah," Naruto said. "You told me, 'pick someone Kakashi-sensei would like' so I did. This one had green hair just like the girl on the cover of _Icha Icha_ Paradise. And just like that one spy lady who… you know…" Naruto lowered his voice, "...the _cliff_ thing? So I figured he likes green hair, her picture had green hair, so I chose her. Didn't I do good, Sakura? She's really pretty…"

Sakura punched him in the head. "You idiot! It _is_ her!" Naruto looked up, wincing. Everyone started talking at once. Kakashi was staring at the cake in a daze. He ooened his mouth but no words came out. Hanare looked wildly around. Kakashi saw her notice the open classroom doors. She glanced at him for a split second, then made a break for it.

"No, wait!" Kakashi finally found his voice. Hanare had already leaped over the edge of the cake and was sprinting toward the hall. Her white bunny tail bobbed under the disco lights.

Something in Kakashi clicked on. He furrowed his brow, looking around at his friends. "Don't let her escape!" he shouted. Guy and Anko looked at him in surprise.

"It's all I want for my birthday," Kakashi glowered at the milling ninja. "Catch her!" With that, he dashed after the green-haired bunny.

"You heard Kakashi!" Guy bellowed. "AFTER HER!" The Green Beast leaped up the walls and out the skylight in a flurry of angel wings and well-oiled glutes.

Rock Lee followed his sensei, devil tail trailing. Anko shrugged and nodded at Genma. They _poofed_ away.

"This is way better than those lame games," Shikamaru said. "C'mon!" Ino and Choji pounded after him into the hall.

"Well, if it's what sensei wants… let's go, Naruto!" Sakura said.

"I'll give you a lift," Naruto said. He wrapped his arms around her and jettisoned them up through the skylight on a burst of chakra.

"We just got here," Shikaku said dourly.

"Yeah. I'm too old for this shit," Ibiki muttered. Kurenai beckoned them from the refreshment table.

"I'm staying to work on these snacks," she said, taking a bite of a matcha macaron.

"I have a score to settle with that kunoichi," Inoichi said. "Save a macaron for me." He walked calmly out of the classroom.

Shino and Hinata followed Kiba out, determined to help.

Soon the classroom was empty save for Kurenai and the interrogation master Ibiki. Some SMAP came on the stereo. "I love this song," said Ibiki, opening a box of pocky.

…

Kakashi raced up an interior stair of the Academy. Just around the curve, he could catch glimpses of Hanare's white tail.

"Hanare! Wait," he shouted, knowing it was futile. She clearly didn't want to talk to him. A clatter of something - _damn!_ Kakashi swore and jumped up to the wall to avoid a small avalanche of tetsubishi spikes.

Where had she been hiding those - in _that_ outfit?! Kakashi's mind drifted of its own accord to the dangerously low bustier, her breasts pushed up high near the bowtie collar. The curves of her backside weren't covered by the tiny black panties she had on, and the rabbit tail only drew attention to that fact…

Kakashi leaped from wall to wall, pursuing as fast as he could. Finally he reached the landing of the fourth floor. It was quiet - moonlight shone in and he didn't see any signs of Hanare in the hall. Kakashi crept forward. Further along, he noticed a slight crack in one of the classroom doors. _Ah ha!_ he thought, stealing forward silently.

He got to the room and peeked in through the pane of glass in the door. Hanare was crouched near the far wall, feeling the windows for a way out. The rabbit ears moved this way and that as she worked. Her green hair looked almost blue in the moonlight. Kakashi was about to enter when a movement at the front of the classroom stopped him.

"Well, what've we got here." It was Genma. He stood up from his hiding place behind the teacher's desk. Kakashi watched as Hanare jumped and looked up, taking a defensive stance.

"Ah, don't worry," Genma drawled. "I won't hurt you. I couldn't care less what Kakashi has going on. I just like the chase." He winked. Kakashi glared behind the door. Hanare paused, then laughed.

"Is that whiskey?" she said smoothly, her low voice flowing across the room like honey, just like Kakashi remembered it… and sometimes, dreamed of. Though not always in a pleasant context…

Genma looked at her in surprise. He patted his hip flask. "Why yes, it is."

"You wouldn't, by chance, share a drink with me?" Hanare said, swaying over to where Genma was standing. "I'm so terribly thirsty, after all that thankless singing and chasing…" she tilted her face up toward Genma's, her lips mere inches from the senbon he was chewing. Her fingertips stretched out and… grazed the skin of Genma's exposed pecs. Kakashi's eyebrows shot up - he felt frozen in place, unsure if he should bust in… or keep watching...

Genma grinned. "Sure. I don't mind sharing." He flipped out the hip flask with a flourish and handed it to Hanare. She nodded and raised it to her lips, taking a big swig. Genma was staring at her mouth.

Kakashi saw Hanare make the seal before Genma did. In a single quick motion she stepped back and raised her fingers to her lips, and a tiny spout of flame became a fireball as she spat the liquor toward Genma's head. He yelled and ducked. Hanare turned and broke out the window.

Kakashi burst into the room and ran past Genma, who was swearing. Kakashi knew Hanare had aimed over the senbon-chewer's head, lucky for him. Kakashi of the Sharingan leaped out the window after his quarry…

"Kakashi!" It was Guy's voice, from a nearby chimney. Kakashi looked where the Green Angel pointed - there, on top of the cafeteria roof - a little white tail moved in the darkness.

Somersaulting through the air, Kakashi flew towards Hanare's position. He landed lightly on the roof tile, and ran towards her. Up ahead, he saw Shikamaru, Ino, and Choji cut into Hanare's path. She skidded to an abrupt stop.

The kids were about to go into Ino-Shika-Cho formation, but suddenly Hanare squatted and put a palm flat to the roof. A giant butterfly materialized beneath her and carried her upwards, into the starry sky.

"Damn!" Kakashi said, fists clenched. Just then he felt a rush of air - it was Sai, atop an ink bird, hand outstretched. Kakashi leaped onto the bird behind Sai as they flew past, in hot pursuit of the butterfly.

"I feared I was so late to the party I'd missed all the fun," Sai said. "But it seems I was mistaken." Sai wore a latex romper and a gas mask. Kakashi shook his head.

The butterfly was headed toward a grain silo. Sai directed the ink bird to intercept. They dodged a flurry of kunai - and Kakashi watched as a flock of crows swooped in from in front of the butterfly and started to herd it back toward the Academy. _Aoba_ … Kakashi thought, spotting the tokubetsu-jonin dressed as James Bond over on a large tree branch - sunglasses in place even though it was night.

The butterfly hovered over the Academy, then suddenly Hanare seemed to lose her grip and _fall_ off her summoned mount…

" _Hanare!"_ Kakashi cried. Sai swooped toward her. Kakashi waited, then leaped through the air, catching Hanare in his arms before she hit the roof and taking the impact with his own shoulder. He grunted as they skidded to a stop on the tile. It was a third-floor, sloped addition.

Inoichi stepped out from the shadows. "Sorry, I didn't think she'd faint from my mental technique - I intended to take control and have her land the beast so we could apprehend her." Kakashi just glared at the Intel Chief, cradling Hanare in his arms. She was breathing… he could see that from the rise and fall of her bosom… but she appeared unconscious.

"I would've caught her too," Inoichi said amicably, walking over. Kakashi looked down at the bunny in his arms. She smelled good. Inoichi stood over them. "Still a tough cookie, isn't she…"

Suddenly Inoichi toppled over, out cold, a senbon protruding from his ankle. Kakashi looked down at Hanare with a bad feeling in his gut…

"Aaargh!" the Copy Ninja dropped his hold on the green-haired kunoichi as a handful of sand stung his eyes. He staggered back, blinking, tears spilling over as he tried to squint and see…

The incoming knife attack! Kakashi pulled a kunai from the pocket of his silk pants just in time to parry a flurry of strikes from Hanare.

 _Rrrriiiip._ Kakashi felt her slice through one lapel of the smoking jacket. _Zzzzzzziiip_ she came close again, taking off a button and cutting into the lower part of the jacket. _There goes the paisley_ Kakashi thought.

"CHA!" A pink bomb exploded into the roof tile between the combatants. It was Sakura and Naruto, the former punching her way to her sensei's defense, the latter trying to reason with the quarry as Kakashi wiped the rest of the sand from his eyes.

"C'mon, lady - I know Kakashi-sensei probably deserves all this, but… it _is_ his birthday and all… maybe give him one more shot or something?"

Hanare was backing away, slowly. Naruto kept trying. "I mean, I think he probably wants to ask you out or something - you know he's single, right? He spends all his free time reading porn, alone, and…"

"Naruto!" Kakashi broke in, deciding he'd rather fight to the death than endure the humiliation that only itinerant kids could engineer so perfectly. " _Shut up._ Let me talk to…"

Hanare jumped off the roof.

"Gee that went well." Naruto side-eyed his old teacher. "Ya really have a way with the ladies, don'tcha sensei…"

Kakashi barely heard as he lunged desperately toward the edge of the roof, filled with a horrible sense of déjâ vu. Peering down, he saw Shino, Kiba, and Hinata surrounding Hanare. _Whew. She's still here_ , Kakashi thought with relief.

But it only lasted a moment. A smoke bomb went off, and Hanare disappeared from sight. Kakashi leaped down to where team 8 stood.

"My beetles can track her," Shino said, releasing a small swarm.

Akamaru barked. Kiba nodded. "Akamaru says she's still in the Academy."

"Confirmed," Hinata said, her byakugan activated. "She's that way, moving fast!" Kakashi nodded, then ran in the direction Hinata pointed. A few beetles buzzed ahead of him, and he followed their lead. They moved across the breezeway.

Kakashi heard a door slam ahead. He stopped. A window above was also open. And there was an air shaft nearby. The beetles split up. After a moment they came back and swarmed meaningfully around the air vent. Kakashi slipped off the smoking jacket and slippers and crawled into the vent.

It was dark and musty since the air conditioning wasn't on at the moment. Kakashi opened his sharingan to see better, crawling as quickly as he could after the beetles. A turn, a drop, a turn… Kakashi thought he could smell Hanare's perfume… but it could also just be his imagination. He imagined her white fluffy tail moving through the dark, down the dark tunnels…

Suddenly Kakashi fell. There was no warning, no change in air, just an unannounced drop. He landed awkwardly in something squishy. The silver-haired jonin held up a hand covered in frosting. _...Cake?_

…

Hanare was standing sullenly in front of the refreshment table, wearing a couple of Ibiki's iron maiden manacles with dignity - almost as if they were jewelry. Kurenai had a hand on her belly and with the other, shoved a love letter cookie into her mouth.

Kakashi looked up from his seat on the cake in a daze. "What…?" he started to say. The hall doors banged and he heard everyone coming back into the party room.

Kurenai shrugged. "Genjutsu," she said. "As soon as we heard her get into the pipes I knew it would be easy."

"Caught her right here," Ibiki said, pointing up to the open ceiling panel. "She fell right into our laps, you might say."

"Why didn't you catch me?" Kakashi asked drily.

"We thought it'd be funnier if a sweet guy like you landed in the cake," Ibiki chuckled. Kurenai smiled too, a sparkle in her ruby eyes.

Kakashi sighed.

Hanare was glaring down at him. "You have very strange friends," she said.

The Copy Ninja nodded. "But… at least they're friends." He smiled under his mask. Hanare didn't smile back.

"I don't have any friends," she said softly. She looked away, toward the skylight. One bunny ear had gotten bent in the chase and flopped down over her right eye. The eye with the beauty mark underneath…

Kakashi felt something else switch on inside of himself.

Everyone crowded around, staring.

"Now what, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked.

"Yeah - we caught her, now what?" Naruto scratched his head.

Kakashi stood up, slowly, ignoring the cake and frosting clinging to him. He put his hands in his pockets.

"I want you to leave us alone," he said.

"What?" Sakura said. "But the party wasn't over…"

"It was a wonderful party, Sakura," Kakashi smiled at his pink-haired student. "I'm just… tired. This 'geezer' isn't getting any younger, you know…"

Sakura blushed and Naruto looked guilty. "Might've been me who wrote that geezer thing on the contract," the boy mumbled. "Sorry, sensei."

Kakashi held up a hand. "Nothing to worry about," he said. "Now, if you'll all excuse us…"

Just then the hall door crashed open with a _BANG._

"WHO'S READY TO PARTY!" The Hokage had a bottle of saké in each hand and looked like she'd already been partaking of them.

"Lady Tsunade!" Shizune exclaimed, turning beet red and covering her skimpy golden snake bra and loincloth.

"Well - the party is kind of… winding down..." Sakura started.

"Shizune! You look lovely, now don't ya," Tsunade said. She turned to Sakura. "What, it's only 11:30 - party's over already?! I thought, as my protègé, Sakura, that you'd know how to throw a real rager…"

Sakura hung her head. Kakashi walked over and put his hand on her shoulder. "Lady Hokage, it was my fault things wrapped up early," he said.

"Of course it was, Hatake," Tsunade declared like it was her idea. "Well, there's only one solution…"

Everyone looked at the Hokage apprehensively.

"...As Hokage, I declare this party will… MOVE TO THE BAR DOWN THE STREET!"

"All right!" Naruto said.

"Are they going to let minors in?!" Shizune whispered urgently in Tsunade's ear.

"Psh, if they don't - I'll shut them down!" Tsunade declared. "Let's go. Shizune - run up to the office and grab my costume from the closet. I forgot it on the way over, wss in such a hurry…"

Their voices trailed off down the hall.

"Shall we?" Shikaku said. Ibiki got up. The older group of jonin headed toward the doors.

"Happy birthday, Hatake!" Inoichi said, waving as they left.

"Happy birthday, sensei," Naruto ran up. He gave Kakashi another bone-crushing hug, not even caring he was getting cake all over his costume.

"Thanks, Naruto," Kakashi said, touched by the boy's sincerity.

"Happy birthday," Sakura said, also wrapping her arms around Kakashi. She still sounded somewhat disappointed. "You didn't even get to open your presents…"

"Sakura, it was the…" Kakashi hesitated just slightly, "...the _best_ birthday I've ever had."

Sakura beamed up at him. Kakashi ruffled her hair like he used to when she was a kid. "Do you think it would be alright if I open the presents later?" he asked. She nodded.

"Now go have fun with Tsunade," Kakashi said. "It's not every day the Hokage takes genin and chunin out for a party at the local bar."

"I'm a jonin," Neji said.

"Right, I didn't mean you," Kakashi replied as Neji walked past with Tenten. Tenten linked her arm through Neji's.

"Hope it's a great year!" the weapons specialist said, flashing Kakashi a peace sign. "Come on Neji, let's get there before the old farts drink all the good stuff!" Tenten pulled on Neji and the Hyuga reluctantly picked up the pace. Kakashi thought he saw Neji's face soften just a little.

Sakura went up to Hanare. "Um, it was nice to see you, again - sorry I was mad earlier! Hope you have a, um, good night…"

"Thanks," Hanare said, smiling tightly as she shrugged her shoulders and raised her manacled wrists. Sakura grinned awkwardly, bowed slightly, and hurriedly left.

"Happy birthday!" Naruto said again, rushing to catch up with Sakura. "And - CONGRATULATIONS!" He flashed a wicked grin and thumbs-up, leaving both Hanare and Kakashi fuming.

"Good evening, Kakashi," Kurenai said with a knowing smile. Anko walked by and made a dirty gesture, flicking him with her whip. Kakashi shied away with a glare.

"Don't fuck it up, Kashi," Anko hissed. She and Kurenai walked off, chuckling at his expense.

The rest of the youngsters filed by, wishing Kakashi happy birthday in turn with handshakes, hugs, and slaps on the back. No one said anything to Hanare.

That is, until Hinata - last of all, walked up to them. She wished Kakashi a year of good fortune, and then shyly turned to Hanare.

"I… I like your costume!" the Hyuga noble blurted, then fell into a respectful bow. The fact that Hinata, of royal Hyuga blood, was dressed as a maid and bowing to a bunny made the scene quite memorable. Hanare tilted her head. She smiled sweetly at the girl.

"Thank you - I like yours as well!" Hanare's voice was full of warmth. Kakashi smiled under his mask. He remembered that warmth, from that day…

Hinata blushed deeply, nodded her thanks, then bolted from the room.

Kakashi's open eye slid over to the green-haired woman nearby. She was standing straight with a firm, stubborn line to her mouth. She refused to look at him. As Kakashi stared, he thought he saw a faint blush appear on her cheek. His eye fell to the heavy manacles on her wrists and ankles. Good thing he knew how to undo them from training with Ibiki. They looked really uncomfortable. The disco ball was still on, throwing spots of color over Hanare's hair like stained glass. Her eyes, the color of dark honey, were fixed on the door. Kakashi couldn't think of a thing to say.

Luckily Hanare did. "Happy birthday," she said, in a voice like acid.

Kakashi sighed inwardly. "Thanks," he said. A pause. "Wanna get out of here?"

"You read my mind," Hanare said drily. "How _ever_ did you guess?"

Kakashi ignored the barb and walked over to her. He stood at her side, just close enough to reach her wrists, but he could still smell the fragrance she had on her hair. Something like tropical fruit and leaves… maybe a vanilla dessert…

He reached out and took her hand, trying and failing to not look at the deep line of cleavage created by her bunny corset. As his fingers touched her palm she seemed to stiffen and the blush on her cheeks got deeper. Kakashi gently lifted her wrists in the air. He focused some chakra in his fingertips and traced a precise pattern on the invisible seal embedded in the metal of the bindings.

The manacles clattered to the floor.

Hanare rubbed her wrists. "Thank you," she said, looking away. Kakashi said nothing, just knelt. He repeated the process on the ankle shackles, trying and failing not to notice how soft and well-formed Hanare's calves and thighs were. The smooth skin of her leg flowed down into a shiny black shoe with a high heel - he hadn't even noticed earlier she was running and fighting in such footwear. He marveled that she could walk at all in them…

The shackles were off.

Kakashi waited to see if Hanare would run, but she didn't. She just stood there, massaging her wrists and flexing her ankles, not looking at him.

"So… wanna get out of here?" Kakashi said.

"You already asked me that," Hanare replied flatly.

"Yes, but you're not leaving," Kakashi observed. Hanare's eyes flashed. She opened her mouth to reply, but Kakashi stepped closer and leaned down.

"If you don't mind leaving with me, since I'm the only one left, I know a good place," he said quietly near her ear. The flush from Hanare's cheeks spread into her hair. Kakashi was sure he smelled vanilla in the mix.

"I…" Hanare said. She breathed deeply. Kakashi tried and failed to not notice her chest rise and fall. She looked up at the skylight. Then at the door. Then at her hands. A line formed between her brows. She breathed deeply again. Then she looked up at him…

"Fine," she said. "Where are we going?"

…

The line at the izakaya wasn't too long. Kakashi stood there as if he did it everyday: went out wearing nothing but ninja mesh and silk pajama pants, both with cake stains… escorting a beautiful woman in a rabbit tail.

She'd taken off the ears. She didn't seem completely comfortable being so scantily clad, but luckily no one paid them much mind. They got up to the front of the line and then crammed in at the tiny bar. It was a divey place but clean, and Kakashi didn't mind that Hanare had to sit so close to him their legs were touching. Kakashi adjusted his mask over the bridge of his nose.

They ordered skewers; turned out Hanare liked gizzards. And a small bottle of nigori sake. It wasn't Kakashi's favorite but he was pleased to find out it was Hanare's - according to chapter 7 in _Icha Icha Tactics,_ women who liked nigori saké were more likely to…

"What?" Hanare said, a skewer in one hand and her cup in the other.

"So how long have you been in that line of work?" Kakashi said, quickly squelching his other thought.

Hanare grimaced. "A couple years," she said. "I can't believe it's been that long already."

"You didn't go back to Jomae," Kakashi observed, resting his head on his hand as he looked at her. When she nodded and turned to glance at a new couple sitting down, Kakashi quickly pulled down his mask and ate a chicken heart. When she looked back at him, he was chewing thoughtfully under his mask. He swallowed. Hanare ate eagerly, which he liked.

"Why didn't you go back?" he asked.

"Why would I?" she returned, and shot some nigori.

Kakashi smiled.

…

After the izakaya they walked up the market streets. It was after midnight and most of the stalls were closing up, but Hanare found one that sold straw woven slippers and bought a pair. She kicked off her heels and put the slippers on right there in the street. Kakashi bent down and picked up her shoes by the ankle straps. They started walking again, and he carried the heels without a word.

Hanare walked with her arms crossed. The paper lanterns of the market cast a low light that highlighted the somberness of her face. Kakashi turned right, and headed toward the esplanade near the canal. Hanare untied the bow tie from around her neck and dropped it in a trash bin they walked past.

Kakashi led the way down the stairs to the esplanade. He held out his hand to Hanare. She hesitated, then took it, padding down the steps toward the water. They walked a ways then stopped at the rail. The streetlights shone off the waterway in pale greenish-blue orbs. The sky was clear, with a few stars out. The air was just slightly cool, the breath of autumn on the breeze. Hanare leaned on the railing, looking down into the water. Her emerald hair stirred in the wind.

Kakashi stood close, hands in his pockets. The sleeve of his ninja mesh just barely brushed Hanare's bare shoulder. She didn't move away. Kakashi looked out over the water. On the opposite side of the canal, a family of tanuki trundled toward some destination in the low light.

"I'm sorry I never looked for you," Kakashi said, watching the raccoons. He heard Hanare shift and sigh. He wondered what she would say. His heart felt loud in his chest.

"I'm sorry I never came back," she said.

Kakashi took his hands out of his pockets and put them on the rail, leaning over to look down into the canal as Hanare was. They were dark wavering splotches in the silvery water. Hanare threw a pebble into the water. It fell between their splotches, and the ripples made them one.

Kakashi stared at that for awhile.

Finally, he said, "Want to watch TV?"

"Yeah," Hanare said.

…

Kakashi turned the key, and the door to his apartment swung open smoothly. He reached over and flicked the light switch, then stood back so Hanare could go in first. She stepped over the threshold with a purposeful stride, looking around as she went in. Kakashi closed the door quietly behind them.

They took off their shoes.

Hanare stood politely in the entry, waiting to be invited to sit. Kakashi glanced quickly around to make sure he hadn't left anything embarrassing out in sight… the reading lamp was on, his desk was neat. The couch was clear. The bed was made. Kakashi tried and failed to not think about the bed.

"Please, sit down," Kakashi said, extending an arm toward the couch. Hanare walked over and sat. Kakashi went to the TV cabinet and picked up the remote. He turned on the television and idly flipped through channels, pretending to look for something. He couldn't focus enough to even tell what he was flipping through. Finally he turned and offered the remote to Hanare.

"Why don't you choose," he said. She looked at him, took the remote and started aggressively channel surfing. Kakashi smiled to himself. "I'll make some tea," he said, and went into the kitchen.

When he came back out, Hanare was leaning to one side of the couch, her head propped up on one hand. Her knees were tucked up and her feet were near the middle of the couch. The remote was on the coffee table. He looked at the TV. She was watching a sci-fi show he liked very much.

Kakashi set the tea cups on the table in front of them and sat down next to Hanare. She pulled her feet up a little to make more room for him. Kakashi relaxed into the couch, laying his arm over the back. After the tea had cooled slightly, he picked up one cup with his far hand and offered it to Hanare. She sat up, unfolding her legs, and took it, and when she leaned back Kakashi was ecstatic to find that she leaned his direction instead of the other way toward the arm of the couch. Hanare lay against him, her head propped on his shoulder, her body pressed up to his. She cupped the tea in her hands. The scent of matcha mixed with her fragrance…

Kakashi lowered his face and touched his masked lips to the top of her head.

Hanare didn't flinch or move away, but she did scold him. "Kakashi, are you even watching the show?" she said with slight exasperation.

"I love this show," Kakashi said, his voice muffled by her hair.

Hanare opened her mouth to say something, but stopped. Abruptly, she got up from the couch. Kakashi looked up at her. The moonlight shone in from his window, touching her skin with coldness. She put down the tea cup. She crossed her arms. She stood there, blocking the TV.

"How much do you love it?" Hanare asked, her face serious.

Kakashi didn't need to think about his answer. "A lot." He looked up into Hanare's eyes. They looked darker now, in this light. She was stunning… the most beautiful woman he'd ever met, and the most confounding. Kakashi was sure at any moment, she'd slip out of his life again…

Hanare stared at him. Then her lips curved up in a secret smile. She leaned down slowly.

It took a minute for it to sink in. Hanare was _kissing_ him. Kakashi discreetly pinched himself to be sure. It hurt - he was awake.

 _If this is what awake is like… I guess I never want to sleep again…_

Kakashi felt something click on inside. He reached up, thrusting his fingers into Hanare's silky hair and curving them over the nape of her neck. He pulled her close, and kissed her back.

…

The laces on the corset were the most infuriating foe Kakashi Hatake had ever encountered, but in the end he was victorious. The defeated undergarment was thrown unceremoniously to the floor, where it joined other vanquished items of clothing.

Kakashi ran his palms up Hanare's lithe body, her curves displayed perfectly in the moonlight, spread so nicely across his _unmade_ bed…

He bent over her and kissed her neck, then her collarbone, and each of her soft whimpers made him more determined. He held her arms down, so he could kiss her body unimpeded. All of her was soft, and responsive… like it had been waiting for him…

"Kakashi," Hanare breathed. He glanced up at her, pausing in his exploration of the area below her belly button. Her green hair was splashed across the pillow, her cheeks and neck flushed a lovely pink.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked.

Hanare shook her head. "No," she smiled. "I want you to _not_ stop."

…

The day after Kakashi's birthday dawned bright and silvery, with a sky packed horizon to horizon with clouds. Kakashi Hatake was still comfortably asleep, dreaming of the previous night. The jonin shifted in bed, a vague sensation of being late and needing to wake up prickling at the edge of his conscious. A crow cawed outside. A bicycle bell sounded. Kakashi stirred. There were blankets between his legs, and a pillow under his arm, but…

But there was no Hanare.

Where was Hanare?!

Kakashi sat bolt upright in bed, patting all the lumps, even the ones not Hanare-sized. The fog of sleep swirled behind his eyes and he felt panicked and disoriented. Had it all been a dream after all?! No, where…

"Hai, hai," called out a voice from the kitchen. Kakashi spun.

There she was, standing in front of the stove, frying eggs or something. Naked.

"I figured I'd cook you something, after last night… I mean, you earned it," she laughed. Kakashi stared at her. She looked anxious. "I just wanted to make to make you something… before I go," she said.

Kakashi didn't change his expression. But he did get up out of the bed, walked into the kitchen, and stood looking down at Hanare. She fingered the handle of the frying pan, and turned off the burner.

"Hanare," Kakashi said. She hesitated, then looked at him. Her hair was still mussed from sleeping, and her makeup was smudged. She was perfect.

"Yes?" she said in an apprehensive voice.

Kakashi tilted her chin up with his fingers. His ebony eye met her cognac ones. "You don't have to go," he said, "Not today - not ever."

Hanare thought about it.

"Then I won't," she said.

"Good," Kakashi said. "Let's eat breakfast."

…

The anniversary card was silly, but Kakashi knew Hanare would like it. It had a rabbit and a dog sitting under a tree, with a sentiment about unlikely friendships.

"The 32nd… Best Birthday Ever" he'd scrawled inside. "Thanks for letting me catch you."

Kakashi sifted through a few memories as he slipped the card into an envelope. That birthday had been ten years ago.

He walked up toward the house. The kids' screams and shouts were clearly audible from the road. It sounded like they were playing ninja.

The ex-Copy Nin passed beneath their dogwood tree. He'd forgotten to buy wasabi at the store, and Hanare would be furious. He'd have to make it up to her - maybe flowers, or a little box of the chocolates she liked, or maybe... after the children went to bed…

Kakashi smiled to himself as he turned the key in the lock. The mechanism clicked, and he pushed the door open.

"It's me," he said. An ear-splitting cacophony of children's cries answered him, followed by thundering footfalls… Kakashi braced himself for impact.

"Did you get the wasabi?!" Hanare yelled from the kitchen.

"No," Kakashi said.

"Aargh! Baka neh," he heard his wife say.

 _Perfect,_ Kakashi thought. A second later, three kids tackled him to the ground.

"Dad, you're such a geezer!" Okami said. "Didn't you see our attack coming?!"

Kakashi laughed. "No," he said. "It was a real surprise."

The End

…


End file.
